Are you suffering from a ‘Forever Moment’?
You know that moment when it all goes pear shaped, and your whole existence of life is consumed by a big fat expanding bulge of unending pain, apathy or not having what you want?
I call this moment the ‘forever moment’.
What is a forever moment?
A Forever Moment comes in two forms that I have affectionately called the Black Hole and the Little Whisper.
- A Black Hole is a world sucking life changing Forever Moment
- A Little Whisper is a mild, long term, little voice in your head that is hard to pin down.
The Black Hole forever moment is that moment that swallows your entire experience of life so far – you can’t see anything but the disaster that is played out in front of you and nothing else exists except the enormity of what has just happened.
For example: the demise of your relationship… one moment you are in a relationship, the next moment you are not. The forever moment is that feeling that you will never see/speak to/hear from them again and that you will never find anyone else and that the pain and sadness will last forever.
That moment.
The moment will usually last for a few hours, sometimes a few weeks and for some hanger-onner types they can drag this feeling into their everyday life… moping through every moment with feelings of hopelessness and impending doom.
The feeling can be triggered by all manner of communications like:
- You are fired
- You have a serious illness
- We will not renew your visa
- I have been cheating on you
And all manner of failures like:
- Letting in THE goal that costs your team the final
- Not getting the dream job/scholarship/business grant/sponsorship you were certain you were going to get
This is a little graph I drew that shows what a Black Hole Forever Moment feels like.
The Little Whisper forever moment is a little different. It is insidious, persistent and very convincing. It constantly reminds you that your current failures are what you are going to experience forever and ever and ever. It shrinks your future down into multiples of today, and that is how your life will play out.
Anyway where am I headed with all of this? Well I am blessed to have many amazing friends and a few favourites who are much older and wiser than me. What I find is that every time I speak to them I get an expanded experience of time and life and opportunity.
This week I had lunch with a friend and mentor who, in the course of conversation shared stories about some big rises and falls he had in business. This chat got me thinking: my experience of adult life is only fleeting in the scheme of things. If I am 31 now and have been an adult for about 10 years and I am lucky enough to live to 80, then I have 5 times more adult life than I have had already. If I think how much I have changed, experienced, learned and achieved in the last 10 years I have no idea what I will experience in the next 10. That is a pretty cool feeling!
I don’t know how other people experience time and age but I for one have had this Little Whisper Forever Feeling that I should have achieved a lot more by now with my life. Although I know this is a little crazy it still feels true. Well it did, until I realised that I have 5 times more adult life than I have already had! In fact even if I was told I would only have 10 years to live, I would be out there taking on some pretty cool new projects that take time…
I have been looking at my life backwards as if what I have is all there is, rather than looking forwards as if this is just the beginning. And this one little shift in my mindset, this one little deleted Forever Moment has opened up a lifetime of new excitement and challenges, however long that is.
Have you ever experienced a Forever Moment?
12:06 pm
Ahhhh … YES!
And I’m getting better and better at figuring out what I really NEED in those moments, then meeting those needs, and getting things back into perspective. Those moments are great sign posts of parts of our selves that need a little positive and loving attention. Once we’ve fed those parts of ourselves with the love and reassurance they need (and there are many ways to do this) we can move on and continue to be amazing creative human beans that each of us actually are.
Go Serena!
1:39 pm
Definately a time to regroup and figure out what is important. Haha did you say human beans on purpose? I love that!
2:13 pm
yes, can’t remember where I first read that human beans term, but it made me laugh!
3:39 pm
Apparently, it takes 21 days to change a habit for the longer term. that also applies to the way we think about ourselves. Hence, if you re-read your blog every day for 21 days and adopt a different way of thinking about your achievements every one of those 21 days, you should be well on the way of your “I-am-happy-with-all-I-have-done-todate-and-will-do-so-much-more-in-the-future”.
5:39 pm
21 Days?! That is so cool, I didn’t realise there was a magic number. I may set myself some countdowns on thoughts, habits and mindset. Number 1… join the gym!
12:46 pm
I’m definitely working through one of these moments, for about the past 12 months to be sure. A combination of a few medical issues, family tragedies, and pure burn out have really combined to burn me out. Still, I’m making some progress day by day and I think sometimes that’s all you can do – just concentrate on the immediate steps in front of you to keep from getting overwhelmed. As dark as life can be sometimes, you still have to push through and make things better. Nice to see a post like this, though, to remind you that you’re never flying completely solo. Looking forward to seeing your progress in 2011.
4:51 pm
Hi Shane, isn’t it amazing how many ups and downs we can juggle, often at once! On one hand I have family tragedy, and then everything else for me feels so good. It’s such a weird experience and I am kind of just riding the wave at the moment, the big bumpy, lovely, horrible wave!